A look at 31 and holy !@#$ I’m 32!

Lacy, Circa 1982

Lacy, Circa 1982

Lacy, Circa 2014

Lacy, Circa 2014

Tonight I’m 31. Tomorrow I’ll be 32…

At exactly 9:06pm, as my Mom likes to call to remind me every single year.
I don’t know much about being 32… at 32 my mom had me. Woah. At my 32, I can’t yet imagine having a child.

I didn’t know that at 32 I would have the same hair as when I was a 1… and I happen to think that’s awesome.

I actually never thought I’d live to be 32. For many reasons, but up until I was 14, I was pretty sure I didn’t understand how ANYONE besides my parents got older. 16 years old seemed epic and responsible, 18 less so, and 21 filled with excited expectation. 25 was my quarter life crisis, 28 was the terrifying year that I came out, and 30 was… awkward. 31 was awesome and 32 continues its pursuit. Life just keeps getting better.

I’m not at all what I thought I would be, I’m not doing what I thought I would do… but I am who I thought I would be.

Life is busy and it’s important to give a birthday its honor… honor with a look at where I’ve been and a moment to set goals for the future.

I look at my life and my year and while everything in me screams wildly with greater vision and expectations, I’ve accomplished a lot. The most of which is greater love and happiness and presence. Some years bring great career and outward victories while other years bring brilliant inner victories… I wondered at first what I would write about my year as I sat down to write this… I feel like some parts of myself I haven’t listened or even talked to in quite some time. I miss the creativity and the fun side projects. I miss pondering life, it’s meaning and purpose and what it means and I’d like greater connection to my friends and family.

Yet with that longing, I’ve grown and expanded in ways and areas I hadn’t before. Before falling in love with Maggie, which I thought about calling “BM” … before Maggie… but then realized that sounds gross, so we’ll stick with what we’ve got, I had never been in a long term relationship. I was a serial dater and most often just found it more enjoyable to be alone. I wasn’t necessarily surrounded by relationships that I wanted for myself and I promised myself that if it wasn’t what I envisioned for myself, I wasn’t going to do it. I also operated in extremes: love or career, success or failure, good or bad, bliss or heartbreak. So, while I read up on countless books about love and relationships, compatibility and merging the worlds of two people since the age of 15, I had never actually done it myself before. 

Maggie moved in with me a year ago this month and it has been the happiest year of my life. I’ve learned things about myself that I never knew. I learned how to let love in, how to depend on others, how to communicate and articulate my feelings, I learned how to put us first. I even learned that it’s not love OR career, it’s love AND career. Would you believe that many of my clients are Maggie’s too? And that I get to go with her to some of her weddings and shoot with her? Life has itself a beautiful way of unfolding.

This year I’ve learned more about value – my value. I’ve seen myself in new and different ways and as the days, months and years move along, I feel more comfortable in my own skin.

This year I learned how to manage my finances, how to save, how to give myself the permission to have a vision for my future… of marriage, of kids, of a house, of world travel and a higher understanding of my friends, family and even clients. Since the age of 16 and 3 major surgeries that followed, I thought I was going to die, so I just never really let myself have any of that. While I understand that someday I will die, this is one more way I am allowing myself to live and it feels good. This year I learned to eat better and feel better, too!

This year of 32, I look forward to creating:

– A deeper love and connection daily with Maggie and commitment to discovering more of each other and our dreams and passions than before.
– Stronger and even more fulfilling connections with friends… vacations together, breakfasts, hikes, adventures and games.
– Quality time with family by reaching out more and organizing gathers and dropping the “but my family doesn’t/hasn’t ever done that” and just doing it.
– Balls… the balls to do the shit that scares me, but is my life’s work!
– Owning my value to my clients, charging my worth, and serving them in the best and highest way while honoring my dreams for my own life and career…
– More Coaching implemented with my existing work. I am a Certified High Performance Coach, I want to help my clients in that way as well.
– A course/program of my own. I’ve spent years helping others do it. It’s my turn and I’m excited about it!
– Travel to Europe and write my book in the spring and other travel adventures along the way.
– Greater financial freedom.
– Routine, but not the boring old person kind. 
– Grander vision for my career, my company, my life and my clients… Go bigger and better and deeper and more rewarding
– Challenge to the status quo and to the way I and others have done things… I will question, I will learn, I will grow.
– More time for myself, my thoughts, my writing, my vision and my dreams to take action on.
– Continued self-actualization and study. Attending events, seminars, workshops, listening to podcasts and daring to address and engage in the real and important things in life.
– Everyday choosing one thing to focus on and be good at: presence, listening, affirming, learning, making connections, finding opportunity… things like that. I used to do that a lot and want it again.
– Greater clarity when I enter meetings, family functions, friend hangouts as to what I want out of the experience and how I want to feel… Sometimes I default to whatever is happening and I want to be aware and awake.
– More spontaneity, adventure, child-like fun, simple things, soulful connection, beach trips, basketball, yoga, workouts, water sports.
– More writing on this site and elsewhere… writing is how I understand and process the world… how I express and how I learn.

So to 31, thank you and I cheers you to the love and connection and fulfillment you’ve been.

32, let’s do this!!!!